Practicing our values
The more we practice our values, the more they become a part of who we are, rather than who we aspire to be.
Dear Reader,
As I wrote in my first Substack newsletter, I want to live my values. This is how I offer the best version of myself to the world— by showing up for others and myself in ways that align with who I believe God calls me to be.
We can easily lose sight of our values in a world hell-bent on bringing out the worst in us. In what bell hooks calls our “dominator culture,” we are socialized to believe there must always be a superior and an inferior party. Arguments and analysis don’t matter in such a culture because we’re not really listening—we’re just fighting to win. Our emotional default mode in this culture is that of the dominator: we position ourselves to wage war instead of living in a way that promotes peace. We are quicker to judge, criticize and demean than we are to listen well, love, and dignify others.
“In a culture of domination,” hooks writes, “almost everyone engages in behaviors that contradict their beliefs and values.”
This is why it’s so important to deliberately keep our values in focus. I created the word cloud below for a keynote presentation to the Presbytery of West Virginia, inviting them to meditate on this image and ask themselves: What are the values you seek to live by? How do you want to live? What values do you most admire in people you want to emulate?
Values are aspirational. Some might be inherent to our nature, but many can be developed over time. In my book Necessary Risks, I quote feminist theologian Mary Daly: “You learn courage by couraging.” I love the way Daly makes “courage” a verb. It feels like grace to understand courage as something that might not come naturally but can be learned through practice.
Even though I value courage, I am not always courageous. I do not always rise to the occasion. But the more I have risked stepping out or stepping up, the more times I have overcome my fear to practice the courage I value, the more courage becomes a part of who I am, rather than who I aspire to be.
Recent writing:
We recently published an issue of the Presbyterian Outlook on the topic of death. While discussing the Outlook with people who work with my husband, I discovered Virginia’s first natural cemetery was only a few miles from my home. So I sent myself on assignment, interviewing the owner of Duck Run Natural Cemetery and touring the property. You can read the article I wrote, Exploring the green burial.
I received some fun notes from people who knew me as a child and my family after my editorial, A whiff of home, was published in our Outlook issue on the theme of “Belonging.”
I also wrote this prayer after the tragic March 27 shooting at Covenant Presbyterian School in Nashville. We’ve been working hard on a special issue of the Outlook on gun violence that is, tragically, still an urgent issue for our nation.
Books I’m loving:
I finally got around to reading Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower. I read her book Kindred years ago and have wanted to read more. As one of the first African American and female Science Fiction writers and the first SF writer to receive a prestigious MacArthur “genius” award, Butler’s work is important. Her novels center on strong Black female protagonists and highlight themes of injustice. As its title suggests, Parable of the Sower includes Butler’s fascinating thoughts about religion and would make for an excellent book study for a church group—but readers should be warned about the violence. Butler’s writing is so visceral that the violence depicted in her novels is acutely felt. This can make her novels difficult to read—but also poignant. In this violence-drenched world of ours, we cannot afford to be numb.
Another book I’ve finally read after being on my to-read list for too long, is Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Rosenberg developed Nonviolent Communication (NVC) based on his belief that human beings are naturally compassionate, and the process and strategies of NVC manifest this natural compassion. The objective is not to change people and their behavior to get our way, but to establish relationships based on honesty and empathy that will eventually fulfill everyone’s needs. The book is easy to read and full of examples and exercises, and Rosenberg has successfully used Nonviolent Communication to promote peace in tense situations around the world. I’ll be returning to this book over and over.
Upcoming speaking:
Saturday, August 12: Workshop Leader for Montreat Conference Center’s Women’s Connection Conference. Workshop Description:
Encouraging Courage: This workshop will explore what feminist theologian Susan Nelson Dunfee says is the primary sin of woman: the sin of hiding. We will explore ways to develop our gifts, overcome our fears, and embrace our God-given potential.
Sunday, August 20: Preaching at Massanutten Presbyterian Church in Harrisonburg, Virginia.
Saturday, September 9: Preacher and workshop leader, Shenandoah Presbytery’s Big Event “Faithful Decisions in Difficult Times,” at Massanetta Springs Camp and Conference Center.
January 2-5, 2024, Keynote speaker for College Conference at Montreat Conference Center, Montreat, NC. The theme for this conference is “Necessary Risks.”
Let’s connect!
What did the word cloud generate for you? What books are you reading and loving?
Tell me in the comments, or through my website: www.terimcdowellott.com.
Maya Angelou made a compelling case for developing courage:
"I am convinced that courage is the most important of all the virtues. Because without courage, you cannot practice any other virtue consistently. You can be kind for a while; you can be generous for a while; you can be just for a while, or merciful for a while, even loving for a while.”